Mountains That Sway
by NightFuryofGallifrey
Summary: Set immediately after "Journey's End". The Doctor mourns the loss of his friend, Donna Noble, and travels to the planet Felspoon, where he is met by unwelcome memories. Ficlet in two parts.
1. Part 1

**A/N:** This is my first attempt at angst. I got the idea for this a few nights ago, and decided to type it up. Well, now that my day has been sufficiently ruined by writing this and listening to "Doomsday" over and over again, I hope I can transfer some of my depression to you. :P If you would please let me know how this makes you feel, honestly, that would make me very happy. :) Well, as happy as I could ever be after watching Doctor Who...

* * *

**Disclaimer:** I don't own any of the characters used in Doctor Who. They all belong to BBC, and I'm still angry at BBC (Davies and Moffat mostly) for ruining their lives as well as mine.

* * *

The TARDIS door closed. The Doctor forced himself to move to the console, the rainwater still dripping down his face like the tears he felt in his hearts. He reached out absentmindedly to flick a switch on the console, his hands moving without much thought_. Just take me somewhere. Anywhere._

He moved around the round console, pressing buttons, flipping switches. The console that only a little while ago had been surrounded with some of the people he loved most. They were all happy. Exhilarated. Davros and his Daleks had been defeated. They towed the earth home. For a few precious, precious minutes, the Doctor could smile and just be with the people he loved. He could pretend he didn't know what he had to do, where Rose had to go, what would happen to Donna.

Even their names could send the familiar aching through his hearts_. In the end, I suppose that's all there is, _the Doctor thought. _Just me, and the TARDIS, and the pain._ His only constant companions. The loneliness, the aching, the longing that could never be satisfied for long.

He removed his jacket and laid it across the console. _She's alive_, the Doctor told himself. _She's alive. They're all alive. And they're all safe._

But somehow that still didn't make any of it easier.

He was cursed. And anyone ever associated with him in any way, however small, would always suffer from the curse. While he lived on, dashing from planet to planet, through time and space, running; always running.

Davros' rasping voice rose to mind, but he shoved it away. It was the only thing he could do.

The Doctor leaned against the console, staring straight ahead, at nothing, no one. No one stood on the other side of the console- no eager face, no bright smile asking, "Where next?"

The cloister bells pumped up and down, making their peculiar humming noise that usually brought a grin to the Doctor's face and the thrill of adventure to his hearts. But not even the TARDIS and her quirky sounds and habits could fix the cracks that severed his hearts like parallel worlds that could never be crossed, or memories that could never be regained.

The TARDIS whirled through the vortex_. It's so empty. The vortex. Just an empty, howling, eternal wind. Like me._

The TARDIS slowed, the cloister bells making the light screeches that said, "We've arrived! Adventure awaits through those doors!"

The Doctor didn't even bother to look at the TARDIS' vidscreen to see where they were. Wherever it was, maybe it would be able to provide the distraction he needed- the distraction that would last until he returned back to the TARDIS- the box that was bigger on the inside, and so empty at the same time. He picked up his suit coat and pulled it on. It had mostly dried during the trip through the vortex, but still wet enough to cling to him like the unwanted guilts and memories.

He grabbed his trench coat, and pulled that on over his suit. He started towards the TARDIS doors, stopping when he noticed his sonic screwdriver sitting on the TARDIS console.

He picked it up, and an unwelcome memory flashed in front of his eyes.

_Donna laughed. "Going to leave without your screwdriver, spaceboy?" She picked it up and tossed it to him. _

_He caught it in midair, laughing. "Don't go anywhere without my trusty screwdriver."_

_"Good thing, too," Donna said. "Might run into a cabinet that you need to take down from the wall. Or worse, a door needing repairs. Of course, only if it isn't wood." She grinned that plucky Donna Noble grin._

Then she vanished like the memory she was. The memory only he remembered.

He slipped his sonic into his suit coat pocket and pushed through the doors.

He blinked in the bright light. He squinted up at the pink sky, scanning the horizon, then froze. _No. Why, TARDIS, why of all places, bring me here?_

He almost turned around, to get back in the TARDIS and leave. But he hesitated.

The voice of Wilfred Mott, Donna's grandfather, came flooding back to him. _Every night, Doctor, when it gets dark and the stars come out, I'll look up on her behalf. I'll look up at the sky, and think of you._

He nodded once. For Donna. He would go, and look on her behalf. See the things she could never see, remember what she couldn't remember. He stuck his hands in the pockets of his trench coat and walked forward, toward the swaying mountains of Felspoon.

He walked slower than he normally did, his long flappy coat barely flapping behind him. He walked past the visitor's information center, not hearing the tour guide who tried to ask him something.

He stopped at the observation deck and leaned up against the rail, staring at the mountains.

_ "Imagine that. Mountains that sway_." Donna's voice came back again. One of the last things she said that she would never remember.

The Doctor shook his head and looked up at the swaying mountains. They moved in the breeze, gently. The sight would seem so odd to Donna. She would laugh and shout "What kind of mountains move?" The Doctor would explain to her they weren't really mountains, not made of stone anyway. They were living creatures, each huge mountain its own being.

Donna would grin, unbelief and belief mixed in her eyes. She would make some snarky comment, and they would both laugh. The friends. The team. The Doctor-Donna.

The Doctor-Donna was, in the end, what caused all this. What caused Donna to be part of a Time Lord human metacrisis. What caused her to absorb all of his memories and knowledge into her own brain. What forced him to wipe her memory of any trace of him, any trace of the adventures they shared.

But no. It wasn't the Doctor-Donna that caused it. It wasn't Donna's fault in any way, shape, or form.

He knew whose fault it was.

The Doctor closed his eyes and let the breeze that blew the mountains wash over his face. He buried Donna's voice, her laugh, her smile down, down in his hearts with the hundreds of other memories he must never remember. Suddenly he felt ashamed that he would try to forget Donna, when she couldn't remember him.

_Perhaps it's better that way._

The Doctor sensed someone come up beside him. He kept his eyes closed. _Please, please go away,_ he begged internally. _Just please. Don't touch me. Don't say anything to me. I'll be impressed by your intelligence, or like your smile, or be stirred by your curiosity. I'll be the selfish man I always revert to. I'll invite you to come with me in my magical blue box, to travel through the stars. And I'll destroy you._

The other person didn't say anything for a while. After a few minutes, the Doctor thought that maybe they would go away.

"Aren't the mountains fascinating?" A female voice ventured.

_No. Please. Go away._ The Doctor nodded, not opening his eyes. "They are."

A travel brochure rustled. "Says here that they aren't actually real stone. They're alive. Isn't that something?"

"It is."

A pause. "I don't mean to pry, sir, but are you alright?"

The Doctor shrugged. "Yeah."

_Is that some sort of secret Time Lord code for 'really not alright at all'?_

_ Yes._

"Are you sure? You look kind of pale."

Pale and thin. Skinny boy in a suit.

The Doctor finally opened his eyes and looked over at the girl.

And staggered back, having to clutch the railing to keep from sinking to the ground. "Donna?" He mouthed.

Donna Noble stood in front of him, a blank expression on her face. When she spoke, her voice didn't sound like hers, but she was definitely Donna. "Donna? Who's that?"

"Donna." The Doctor's throat constricted. "No, you can't be here. What are you doing here? You can't…. you can't…."

This was Donna's voice. "Can't what, Doctor? Can't remember?" Accusing. "And why's that? Because you wiped my memories. The best days of my life, and I can't remember them!"

The Doctor shook his head, sinking up against the railing, sinking to the ground. "No. Donna, it was for your own good, you would have died…"

"But at least I would have remembered!"

The Doctor closed his eyes, struggling to keep back the hot tears of guilt. "No, Donna, please, listen…"

"And why should I listen to you?"

That wasn't Donna's voice.

The Doctor snapped his eyes open. Martha Jones stood in front of him, her eyes filled with bitterness. "Why should I listen to you? You never did to me. There was nothing you ever said to me that you would have rather said to her." She narrowed her eyes. "You said you wanted to show me the universe, but I don't think you did. You just didn't want to be alone."

The tears streamed down the Doctor's face. "Martha…"

"Is it true?"

He shook his head. "Martha, I liked you…"

"But I loved you! And you barely even noticed I was there."

The Doctor shut his eyes again, shaking his head, trying to get her accusing face out of her head.

"Doctor."

_No. Not her. No._

The Doctor couldn't keep his eyes closed. He opened them slowly, knowing he would regret it.

Rose Tyler stood in front of him, much like she had the first time she'd stood on the beach in the parallel world. Her eyes brimmed with tears, but there was something else in her eyes. A hardness.

"Rose…" He whispered.

"You left me."

A broken sob left the Doctor's lips. "Rose, I didn't have a choice…."

"But you did." The tears gave way all the way to the hardness. "Not the first time, but the second time you left me stranded on the beach. You could have taken me with you. Instead you left me with a clone of you. But he's not you."

"Rose, please…." The Doctor's vision turned hazy and she blurred in and out. He felt his heartsbeat pick up even more than they already had. _What's happening? _ He thought frantically.

"You couldn't even say it." Rose started to fade away.

"No! Rose! I love you!" The Doctor shouted. He reached out for her, but his hand found nothing.

The grey around the edges of his vision convulsed and collapsed around him. _Am I dying? Please, let me die. I want to go._

The grey turned to black.


	2. Part 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Doctor, or any of the other mentioned characters with the exception of Deeara and 'the creature'. :P They all belong to the BBC.**

* * *

Davros' harsh, rasping laugh echoes through the darkness.

_The Doctor._

The winds from the void tear at the Doctor. He stares in horror at Rose as her grip loosens, then as she is ripped away; his scream torn away by the winds that tear Rose from him.

_The man who keeps running._

Martha looks at him with her haunted, accusing eyes. She turns and walks out of the TARDIS, closing the door behind her.

_ Never looking back._

Donna. Donna's haunted eyes fill with tears as she realizes what he is going to do. "No," she whispers, shaking her head. "Please, no!"

He places her hands on her temples, and he reaches inside her mind.

_Because he dare not out of shame._

Davros' laugh.

His laugh echoes through the dark, the nothing, the void in the Doctor's hearts.

His laugh lingers like the haunting looks in his companions', in his friends' eyes. The looks that will never go away, that sear themselves into his mind like a painful and permanent brand.

Rose stands on the beach and buries her face in her hands.

Martha walks away.

Donna lies on her bed, her hands folded on her chest and her eyes closed.

_ How many more? Just think. How many have died in your name, Doctor?_

_Just stop. Please. Stop. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._

Sarah Jane. Her sad eyes looking up at him, asking why he had left her.

_The Curse._

Adric. Romana. Tegan. Peri.

Jamie. Zoe. Who had to leave so much like Donna.

The names flashed through his head, flying like the fleeting time he'd had with them.

_ The Curse of the Time Lords._

Gallifrey. Gallifrey burning, burning.

"Sir? Sir, can you hear me?"

_The flames. Burn. Please. Burn me. Take me with you._

"Sir."

The darkness started to lift. The Doctor shrank back. _Please. Just take me. End me. I've lived too long. Lost too much._

"Sir!"

The Doctor opened his eyes. A tall creature blinked down at him with its four pairs of eyes. Its double mouths stretched in what the Doctor assumed was a smile. "There. You'll be fine in a little bit, sir."

The creature moved away and a young woman with red hair stepped next to the Doctor's bedside. "Oh, I'm so glad you're alright! You had me so worried!"

The Doctor blinked, the last of the dark fog around his vision clearing. "What... what happened?"

The woman cringed. "You went out into the mountains' atmosphere without protection."

The Doctor realized what had happed. "And it gave me hallucinations."

The woman nodded, her red hair falling across her shoulders. Ginger. Same color as Donna's. The Doctor realized that probably had triggered the first hallucination.

That combined with the guilt.

"You should be fine soon," the woman said. "The doctors said you should be able to leave the hospital in a few hours. They'll give you the shot that will negate the affects of the atmosphere if you still want to go out to the mountains."

The Doctor nodded. He glanced down and noticed that he lay in a hospital bed, like the first time he'd met Martha. He looked back up at the woman. "How did I get here?"

The woman smiled slightly. "I suppose that'd be me. You started having hallucinations, and then you passed out. I ran to get the security guard, who brought you here."

"Thank you," the Doctor said. He gave her the closest he could to a genuine smile.

She smiled back. "I'm Deeara."

"The Doctor."

"Doctor who?"

"Just the Doctor," he replied, looking down at his clasped hands. Everyone asked that question. Everyone he met. And... they all suffered because they dared to know him.

"Fair 'nuff." Deeara smiled again. Her smile was contagious. "Say, I was wondering. Since you passed out, no, don't apologize, it's fine. But I didn't really get to see the mountains. I was planning on going back out later, and was wondering if you wanted to go back out with me."

He hesitated. _You don't want to go anywhere with me. I'll destroy you._

She rushed on, "It's not a date or anything." She smiled. "I'm already taken. But I thought it would be nice to go with someone."

The Doctor smiled back. _No. Don't._ "I'd love to."

Deeara beamed. "Great." She started to walk away.

"Deeara?"

"Hm?" She turned back around.

_Let her go. Just let her go. Then get into your TARDIS and leave._ The Doctor looked back down at his lap. "Um. Do you have anywhere you need to be now?"

She shook her head. "Not really. Why?"

_Don't. Really. Don't._ "I..." The Doctor realized his voice was trembling and he cleared his throat. "Would you... would you mind staying here with me, for a little while? I... don't have anyone, and... I don't want to be... alone." His voice caught on the last word, it coming out in a whisper.

Deeara walked back to the bedside and sat down on a nearby chair. Her grey eyes looked sympathetic. "Sure."

"Thank you," the Doctor whispered, not looking at her. _Selfish Time Lord._

"Not a problem."

They said next to nothing for the next hour. Nothing needed to be said. The Doctor felt exhausted, completely drained, like he had on only a few occasions. He wanted to sleep, but was afraid... afraid they would return.

He felt like a child. A simpering little child who was afraid of the dark, and afraid of the nightmares that came when he tried to sleep. Most nightmares have a grain of truth in them, which is what terrified the Doctor most.

Having someone sit beside him, even a complete stranger, somehow comforted him. He kicked himself mentally over and over again, telling himself to turn to Deeara and smile, thank her and tell her she could leave.

But the terrified child couldn't let go.

Finally, one of the creatures (the Doctor couldn't tell if it was the same one from before or not), came back and checked the Doctor over. He declared he was fine, and asked if he would like a shot so he could go out to see the mountains.

The Doctor hesitated. _Say no. Apologize to Deeara, tell her you have somewhere else you need to go._

He nodded.

The creature gave him a shot, his suit was returned and he changed out of the hospital gown. He walked down the hall towards the main foyer where Deeara had said she would wait for him.

_ Don't go. Don't. It's not too late for her. Go out the other door and head for the TARDIS._

He spotted Deeara and waved. She waved back and came over to him, smiling as usual. "Hello, Doctor. You doing alright?"

_No. Not alright at all. Physically, yes._ The Doctor nodded. "Think so." He smiled. "Ready to see those mountains?"

Deeara grinned and nodded. "Definitely."

Her grin and excitement sent another pang into the Doctor's hearts. That was how Donna would have responded. He managed to keep his smile on his face, and he offered his arm to Deeara, who accepted it and the two walked out of the hospital and into Felspoon's atmosphere.

"So, Deeara, I know this question will sound daft, but bear with me," The Doctor said. "What is the date?"

Deeara looked at him curiously. "The 5th of July. You were only out for a couple of hours if that's what you're asking."

"Uh, no, not quite." The Doctor scratched the back of his neck. "What year is it?"

Deeara looked confused. "3050."

"Ah, right, thanks. 3050. Great year. Let's see... you from Earth, or a colony?"

"From Earth." Deeara raised an eyebrow. "What exactly are you talking about? Why didn't you know the year?"

The Doctor tipped his head to the side. "Well," he said, drawing the word out. "I guess you could say I'm a traveller. Lose track of the time sometimes."

"Are you a time traveller?" Deeara raised both eyebrows.

The Doctor grinned. "I didn't say that."

"But you are!" Deeara's eyes widened and her grin grew larger. "What is it like?"

"Travelling through time?" The Doctor shrugged. "Adventures that never end."

They could see the observation platform now. Deeara beamed up at him, then looked to the mountains. "Adventures," she whispered. "I've always dreamed about having adventures."

_ You could come with me. No. Don't. Please, just leave her alone._

They reached the platform, and unlinked arms. The Doctor leaned out against the railing and stared at the mountains. He knew he would be safe from the hallucinations.

But he knew he couldn't hide from the guilt, or the dreams to come later.

Deeara also leaned against the railing, watching the mountains sway. The Doctor looked over at her. Her curiosity and fascination with the mountains stirred him. He opened his mouth. _Come with me. Travel with me. I'll show you the stars, worlds never before seen, times long past, new civilizations and old races. Anything in time and space. The whole of creation is open to you._

"Alrin says he doesn't really care for adventures," Deeara said, still staring at the mountains.

The Doctor closed his mouth. He swallowed. "Alrin?"

"My husband." She smiled. "Still, I love him all the same. He agreed to travel to Felspoon for our honeymoon."

"You're married?"

She smiled and held up her left hand, where a gold band glinted in Felspoon's double suns. "Just last week."

"Where is he now?"

"At the hotel." She shrugged. "Like I said, he's not too fond of travelling. But he agreed to come here for our honeymoon."

"Sounds like he cares for you a lot."

She looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"He came here for you, even though he probably would have rather stayed home." The Doctor looked down at the ground. "When someone would do anything for you, then you know they're a keeper." He looked up and tried to grin. "Don't let him get away from you."

Deeara grinned back. "I won't."

They watched the mountains for a while in silence. Finally, Deera spoke up. "Do you think they ever get lonely?"

The Doctor glanced over at her. "What do you mean?"

She bit her lip, looking like she was trying to find the right words to say. "The travel brochure said that once they're planted, they can never move, not even to mate. The winds pollinate for them. For all of their lives, thousands or even millions of years, they're alone."

The Doctor looked back at the mountains, how they were firmly rock-solid, yet even the smallest breeze moved them. Another long moment of silence. Then, "Yes."

"Hm?" Deeara looked over at him.

"I think they do get lonely," the Doctor whispered. "And... sometimes... sometimes I feel like the mountains. They're made of stone, and they should be invincible, yet even the smallest breeze makes them sway. They're tall and reaching and forever... and alone." His voice broke. "So alone."

Deeara placed a hand on the Doctor's arm, looking up at him with concern, but saying nothing. The Doctor made the mistake of looking over at her. Her grey eyes filled with compassion, her ginger colored hair hanging loose around her shoulders. For a minute, he thought the hallucinations had returned and he was looking at Donna again.

The Doctor swallowed, tried to hold back the tears, but couldn't. _I'm sorry. Donna Noble, I am so, so sorry._

Deeara said nothing, but pulled him into a tight hug. The Doctor hugged her back, squeezing his eyes closed, the tears still managing to sneak out and trickle down his cheeks into Deeara's hair.

After a while, the Doctor inhaled deeply, and pulled back. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Deeara shook her head. "Don't be." She tried to smile, but her eyes still filled with concern and sadness.

The Doctor took another breath and looked back at the mountains. "One thing's different about them though. They're stuck in the same place their whole lives. Me, I fly around. Never stopping. Always running." His voice dropped to below a whisper. "Never looking back."

Deeara took the Doctor's hand and squeezed it. He looked over at her. She swallowed. "Doctor, I don't claim to understand all you're talking about. But... I know you've lost a lot." She paused, her eyes filling with sympathetic tears. "But if you've shown anyone else what you've shown me in just this short amount of time, then I can tell you that none of them regret meeting you."

The Doctor said nothing for a moment. "Thank you," he whispered.

Deeara nodded, and hugged him once more. "I'd better get back to the hotel," she said. "Alrin's probably waiting."

The Doctor nodded. He smiled. "It was a pleasure to meet you, Deeara," he said. "Thank you... for everything."

Deeara smiled back, gave a little wave and walked away.

The Doctor looked up and gazed at the mountains one last time, the mountains that swayed. He closed his eyes. _For you, Donna. And I promise I will never forget you._

He straightened up and turned. He shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to the TARDIS... alone.


End file.
